Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
