Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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