You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
