Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
