im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
