They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
