you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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