Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
