I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
