If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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