you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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