He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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