the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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