drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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