apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
