haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
