I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize