and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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