At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
