I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
