Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
