Do you still have your period?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
