Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
