is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
