the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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