I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
