i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
