just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize