What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
