Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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