woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i think my cat just said my name.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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