I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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