We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
