I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
