There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
