would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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