So drunk its hurt
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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