I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They are going to name an STD after you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
