R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize