***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
