did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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