Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
