Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize