but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
