if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
