Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
