just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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