I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
