I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
