in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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