You made me cry and you don't even care
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
