the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
