Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
