11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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