Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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