saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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