We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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