They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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