break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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