so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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