i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
