So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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